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December 4, 2000

SUMO SYNDROME: WEIGHT AND SEE

I recently saw a video clip of a sumo champion marrying a tiny Japanese woman, a pop singer, and I wondered about their attraction.

I'm feeling fat - and that's not good since we're in the first stages of the annual holiday season, when eating is as important as breathing and food is as omnipresent as air.

She must have been all of 110 pounds, and the Yokozuna (grand champion) - with his vast rolls of skin showing between the loose kimono he wore as the couple rode away from the wedding in a convertible limousine - must have been 400 pounds or more. By Japanese standards, this was a celebrity nuptial the equal of, say, if Michael Jordan married Mariah Carey in the US. Or something like that. So perhaps the attraction was in their shared celebrity status. They both understand what it's like to be under public scrutiny, and to live lives that are not entirely their own to live.

But I wondered if they loved each other. I couldn't tell from the brief bit of video whether they felt real affection for each other, or if this was a show-business move for both of their careers. OK, I'm being cynical.

I wondered because sumo wrestlers are not just so strong and famous, but because they're so �obese.

I know they're supposed to be that way for the sake of their sport, and that over the decades of professional sumo, the champions have gotten larger and larger. But can it possibly be healthy for them? Is it attractive? These athletes don't just go to a local "big and large" men's store for clothes (not that there are many in Japan), they must shop at a tent supplier for their fashions statements.

Can they tie their shoes? Can they get on a stepladder without making it crumple like an Erector set construction? Do they pay for two or three seats when they fly? Does anyone (besides their ultra-petite wives) dare get on an elevator with a sumo Yokozuna? Do they have specially-designed furniture for them at home? How much water do they use for their ofuro (bath) - a couple of cups? And how do they scrub their backs?

Please, don't get me wrong. I don't mean to disrespect sumo wrestlers. I grew up watching sumo matches on TV, and find them fascinating for their bizarre mix of slow, courtly ritual and sudden explosions of pushing and shoving. I know it's still an important sport in Japan - my mother doesn't miss a single match on NTT satellite TV. I know they're strong as oxen and that much of their mass isn't flab, but muscle.

And I also don't mean to disrespect anyone who is obese.

I began thinking about sumo wrestlers because I'm afraid I'm starting to look like one, only without the benefits of celebrityhood, and certainly not their muscles.

I'm feeling fat - and that's not good since we're in the first stages of the annual holiday season, when eating is as important as breathing and food is as omnipresent as air.

It's not good because although we have a very nice elliptical exerciser in the basement and one of those Suzanne Somers-approved "Torso Track[tm]" devices in the loft, I don't use them very often, and certainly not enough to shave off any of the weight. I've tried, believe me. Over the years when I've felt the sumo syndrome coming upon me, I've tried jogging for a while, used other miracle exercise gadgets, drank an assortment of "diet teas" available at Asian grocery stores, and on occasion flirted with a diet or two � for a day or two.

I began worrying when I got an ID card from my local recreation center (to swim, the one exercise I actually do enjoy), and the photo on it made my face look like a balloon about to pop.

I feel as if it's un-Japanese to be overweight (unless of course I actually am training to be a sumo wrestler, which unfortunately is not the case). Most Japanese I know are slim - as short around as they are in height. It's the diet, right? Fish and vegetables have made Japanese a healthy people.

But my Japanese American upbringing introduced me to all the evils of fast food -- Big Macs, pizza, tacos, KFC - and other western culinary delights such as steak, barbecue, roast beef, and variations including chicken fried steak, a particular favorite of mine. I'll even admit here that recently I drove 400 miles round-trip to Colby Kansas with two friends just to have the world's most wonderful chicken fried steak for lunch at the Deep Rock Caf�.

And regular readers of this column know that not only do I often write about food from ramen to restaurant reviews (remember the previous column when I had two dinners in one night in San Francisco's Japan Town?), I've also taken the time to ponder the importance in my life of junk food, both Japanese and non-Japanese.

So I know, it shouldn't come as a surprise that I need to lose weight and that my flabbiness is starting to embarrass me. Still, being overweight is one common American attribute I do not want to have.

It's just so hard to lose weight during the holidays. Starting with the month before Halloween, when bags of candy sprout like weeds in the supermarket aisles, and running through the feastful Thanksgiving holiday and running right up to the Christmas and New Year slate of dinner parties, and family get-togethers, food seems to rule all social interaction. It doesn't help that family birthdays including my own fall during this period. So I am making an early new year's resolution this year, and I'm determined to stick to it: I want to lose 30 pounds, and I hope to do it despite the seasonal indulgence. I'm fighting the sumo syndrome this year.

Really. Honest.

What? There's pumpkin pie and mochi rice cakes in the fridge?

Uh�. To be continued�.